One Day...

​One day…

One day is the lie I’ve been telling myself since the beginning of time. One day is my lifeline, life preserver, the beginning and end of my inner dialogue, and will probably be the last two words on my last will or my tombstone.

One. Day.

One day I’ll escape this house, my younger self will away the day, daydreaming for hours, and no one will ever hurt me again. 

That one day never came because the hurt is within’, forever following, attached like a cancer.

It stops you from having an ordinary life because you’re bound to make patterns. Your one days don’t matter in its scheme, only sucking dry your hopes and dreams. 

One day I will move, and my parents will be happy; I’d pray every night we can be a typical family then.

That one day never came because unchecked mental health swooped in like a predator and claimed each soul that entered those doors. Normal was a social construct you weren't meant to taste. It was there to tease but, my dear, never to please. 

One day I’ll fall in love, and I’ll be finally happy; I’d wish on every star as I stared up at the sky, tears in my eyes.

“I wish… for happiness.” I’d whisper. I still prayed, but they were left unheard, unread, words spoken and never read. The abuse was worse. The yelling lasted longer and came on more frequently and so much harder. Dear God, I’d plead, where did you go? 

But no one would answer, and no phone calls were returned. It’s like these issues were expected because no one would look twice, no ears to our door, or a glance at my face.

One day, I’ll be normal; I’d look in the mirror around my red-rimmed eyes and tear-tracked cheeks. It will be okay; you will see, it’s character building, that’s right, that’s precisely what it will be. Until our character is guarded and our words forever misconstrued, when we hid inside of our head and clung alone to basic human curiosity.

One day, I sit in my car, thumbs plucking up tears as they fall, you’ll see. We will stop running, I whisper in the night. We won’t have to run because one day, we will be healed enough not to have to worry about being misunderstood. You’ll see, I promise.

We will be okay one day.

One day…

One day we will be okay.