Poem: The House is on Fire

Deep breath in

Long exhale

The well of tears

And the shake of her hands 

Body tense

Emotions high

Every feeling

Felt

All at once

The house is on fire

Her nervous system screams

But inside the house 

It’s quieter than it seems

No one knows

No one ever knows

The worry of trusting

Anyone

When you can’t even trust yourself

To make basic decisions 

That could end 

In soul crushing divisions 

Poem: Whiskey and Sunsets

 I tell myself to look:

To look up lyrics of songs

the ones that make you feel

everything all at once.

To look up at the stars 

realizing I’m alive

and whole

and divine.

To look people in the eyes

to catch the light of sunrise 

or

the darkness of sunset.

But I looked up once

And caught his eyes

gazing back at mine

and all I can surmise 

is on the eve of sunset

I watched the sunrise

in whiskey laden eyes. 

Poem: Again?

Again…

Again.

Always again.

Again we strike out the name

Retain the knowledge

Jot down notes

On turned down mental pages

Doggy eared save points

Hopes

Dreams

Ideas of “happiness”

And what that might actually look like.

If, you believed it existed.

Yet, again.

The pen stays poised

Hesitant 

Stunted

Not willing to move

Or try

To conjure up an ounce of “trying”

While denying the pain of starting again.

Over and over again

Again haunts your dreams

Hides in dark corners 

Where doubt grows unfettered.

Again

You whisper 

While checking your phone

The time stamps

And wondering what you did 

This time.

Again

The same song and dance

Again

And again

And

Again…

Again once more

Into the fray

If the promise that again

Will simply 

Go

Away. 

Poem: The Mirror and I Talk Shit

Running hands through my hair

Conversing

Like we’ve done time and time

Before

Don’t overthink it

But we do

The past hasn’t been very kind

Don’t worry about the quiet 

But we do

It’s always on my mind

Don’t check the feeds

But we do

Or check for signs

Just in case

Don’t be neurotic 

Don’t be psychotic 

Don’t showcase your chaotic 

Inner workings 

No one knows how to handle 

Your deranged little soul

And it hurts

And hurts

Until you spiral some more 

A never ending cascade 

Hidden behind a facade

Of brick and mortar smiles

Poem: He’s (Thankfully) Not You

He’s not you

It’s whispered

A caress 

No sharp points

Or ragged breaths

Mended tears

Softened words

He’s not you

It’s an oath

Every morning 

In every text

Each new touch

And in his smile

He’s not you

It’s a sigh

Late at night

In twisted sheets

With wild hair 

And even beats

He’s not you 

Like a promise

Not a curse

A prayer of thanks

Lifted on high

To whatever deity

Sent me this guy

He’s not you

And I pray

He will never be 

Poem: Making Love to Music

Run your hands through my notes

down my aching lyrics

into my weary soul 

Trace my worn keys

lovingly

keeping the tempo

Easing the dissonance

repeating the chorus

and sighing in crescendo

Your hands the star 

of a concert of your own 

our bodies in full glissando 

Poem: CTLR ALT DLT

 I must forget

Ctlr alt dlt 

Offered food

From fingertips

A smile hiding behind 

an open door

Sitting side by side

Desperately 

Trying not to touch

Looks across the room

At inside jokes

Tapped noses

And laughter under 

Our breaths 

Quiet conversation 

Under stars

As our only light source 

And the hug

That zapped me awake

After years of slumber

I must forget

That electric shock

Of the Divine

Because fate is cruel

To “zing” with someone

Not meant for you